Monday, June 26, 2006

Let Me Answer Some of Your Questions. Soon, We'll Know More About Each Other.

When was the last time you ate an entire, full-size candy bar? What kind of candy bar was it?

I'm going to say three years ago, NutRageous, but that's purely conjecture on my part. I don't eat a lot of entire, full-size candy bars. In fact, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever eaten an entire, full-size NutRageous. I ate a fun size Snickers about three months ago. If you don't capitalize any of the letters in nutrageous it looks like an adjective describing a medical condition, possibly a veterinary medical condition.

What is a food you ate all the time as a kid, but which now disgusts you?

The meat in Lunchables, although disgust is a bit strong. I would still probably eat it. I remember the turkey being particularly gristly, with at least one disc per box set completely inedible.

What is a recent food impulse buy which you regretted? Which you were delighted by?

This wasn't a buy, but I keep trying Monster Energy Drink because there is a huge fridge with a Monster logo in our office full of free Monster Energy Drinks and, for some reason, Hansen's diet iced teas with ginseng or something. The first time, I really regretted trying it because it tasted like bubble gum spit, and I threw it out after one or two sips. Then, the next time, I drank a whole 24 oz. (?) can. The taurine filled me with energy and I felt great. But I still regretted it.

I don't buy good foods on impulse.

What was the most satisfying meal you ever prepared for yourself and ate while totally drunk?

Probably ramen from 99 Ranch Market with an egg cracked in it. I'm too dumb and lazy to cook while I'm drunk. Or ever.

If you had to have one of the FoodFriends design your diet for a week, whom would you select?

I would let Murbles make me drink 14 beers a day because it would remind me of being hazed.

What are the shows you watch the most on Food Network? What are your thoughts on: Rachael Ray, Alton Brown, Nigella Lawson?

Please note that I've corrected the spelling of Rachael Ray's last name in the question. That always bothered me. We're better than that, people. The shows I watch most are Good Eats and Iron Chef / Iron Chef America. Also, sometimes I watch Unwrapped and $40 a Day. I find Rachael Ray to be astonishingly fake-bubbly, but for some reason I can't not watch her shows. I think I hate her. Has anyone seen Rachael Ray's Tasty Travels? That show is garbage. It's like watching 22 minutes of commercials narrated by an annoying dumb person who is pretending to be excited about a shitty hamburger restaurant near the Grand Canyon that just paid money to be on the show, interrupted by 8 minutes of regular commercials. Well, okay, it's not like that, it is that. Anyway, I've probably watched her three shows for a combined total of 150 hours.

I can see how people would find Alton Brown irritating, what with his mannered vocal tics and prissy, borderline-OCD prep style, but I don't mind him. Keep in mind that despite these strong, well-informed opinions on Food Network personalities, I have never cooked in my life.

Instead of talking about Nigella Lawson, I would like to add that I hate Bobby Flay.

What food staple would it be most difficult for you remove from your diet?

Noodles. All kinds of noodles.

If I told you that you could only eat one of the following for the rest of your life, but you could always get whatever you chose as fresh and as good as possible, which would you choose? Also, assume that whichever you chose would be seedless: (1) Oranges (2) Clementines (3) Tangerines


Also, do you prefer plastic wrap or aluminum foil?


When and how did you learn to cook?

N/A. I can boil pasta and press sandwiches in a Foreman grill. Scramble eggs, too, I guess.

A quirk of fate leaves you in each of the following cities for long enough to have only one meal. What/where do you eat? Boston, Cambridge, New York, LA.

Boston: Dom's. For some reason I never ate out in Boston, so I don't know any fancy restaurants. Dom's would be good for nostalgia's sake.

Cambridge: I would have the hautbois cook me microwavable lasagna and serve it to me on a wet plate from Adams Dining Hall. Then I would go to East Coast Grill, a place I heard is good.

New York: If I'm paying, Max. If the quirk of fate is paying, Le Bernardin.

L.A.: Watergrill? I would not go to Ribs USA.

Name a fruit, meat, soda, and candy you despise.

Cantaloupe, oyster, diet soda, and black licorice.

I have a teleporter, and can send you anywhere in the world for dinner. Where will you go, what will you have?

I would go to Paris and eat at Le Pre Cadet. I will order everything they have. Probably some duck.

Do you have any well-loved or detested cookbooks?

No, I don't cook.

Name a food that evokes a strong memory of a particular time and place in your life.

Greasy Pizza Hut pan pizza reminds me of high school, when $3 would buy you two hulking slices of pepperoni and a large coke. $1.60 would buy you two hot dogs and a large coke. Regular lunch was $1.65. Does anyone want to know more prices? I think a burrito was $1.

What is your relationship to caffeine?

I don't drink a lot of caffeine. I can get pretty awake without it. If caffeine were a lady, my current relationship with that lady would be "did it a few times, but incommunicado for now."

What is the best burger you've ever had?

West Coast: In-N-Out Double Double
East Coast: Burger Joint cheeseburger
Not in the running: the burger I had with DRL at Flight that was sickly sweet and, as SCH knows, "was like you could taste the suffering of the cow"

I have a food replicator from Star Trek Next Generation, what do you order and how do you order it?

Future Ham.

Which comic book character would you most like to cook a meal for you? For which comic book character would you most like to cook a meal?

I would make the Flash and Quicksilver race to see who could cook the meal the fastest. I would cook for the Flash and Quicksilver to see who could eat the fastest.

Are there any foods that would receive an f- grade from you?

Airplane food, am I right, people? Seriously, though, it's rocks. Rocks get an F- grade from me. Also, my parents used to order this dish at dim sum that I think was solid cubes of pig blood. I never tried it, but I give it an uneducated F-.

Describe a work of art that inspired or affected your eating.

Tampopo? This is a lie.

In my family we often took to calling Ramen Noodles "Trash Noodles." Do you have any cute food nicknames?

My mom calls fried rice "flied lice."

Based on what you've read of the diets of each food reporter, which food reporter would you eat?


Along the lines of "Salt," "Cod," and "History of the World In Six Glasses," what foodstuff would you most like to read a book about?

Did anyone see the movie Hamburger America? It was pretty disappointing. I will say cheese.

Is there any food you are embarrassed about how much you like it?

Chili cheese fries.

What was your favorite meal in the dining halls of our fair college? How much would you pay to eat this meal tonight? To eat this meal, would you be willing to travel to Staten Island/Encino/a smelly cave in a swamp?

Probably that Thanksgiving meal they gave us once a month. I would pay $8 to eat that meal tonight, but I would not travel.

Describe what you would consider, for you, in the college dining halls, a typical breakfast, lunch, dinner, and Sunday brunch.

No breakfast. For lunch, popcorn chicken and tater tots, plus a salad, plus another entree probably. Orange juice. Dinner: whatever the entree was, plus another salad, plus a hard-boiled egg, plus probably a burger from the grill. Orange juice. Root beer. Sunday brunch: hopefully, the croissant breakfast sandwich. If not, some scrambled eggs and bacon. Maybe one of those weird pressed chicken things stuffed with broccoli.

What are your favorite beers? What are your favorite wines? What are your favorite liquors? What are your favorite cocktails? Do you feel that you have a signature drink? If a FoodFriend ever had to order a drink for you while you were in the restroom, what drink should they order?

I like Guinness, but if I'm drinking a lot I'll go with a bunch of BL. Also, Spaten from Zum Schneider. I don't know anything about wine, so I'll say "white." It used to be "red." Liquors: Maker's and Ketel. Cocktails: vodka soda. Right now I feel like drinking a Dark and Stormy. If I'm in the can, get me several Ketels and sodas. I will drink them all.

If you are a smoker, how does smoking affect your meals? Do you eat less? If you finish what you consider a very good dinner, how important is a post-prandial cigarette to you?


Have you ever eaten food or consumed a beverage while making love?

No, should I have?

Last question: What is your favorite food?

My mom's flied lice.


Blogger Jack said...

Re: Quicksilver and the Flash, if I understand the physics correctly, the Flash would turn out to be significantly faster. (There are several Flashes, but I'm not much on DC, so I don't care.) On the other hand, Quicksilver would probably make more interesting conversation and have more refined tastes in food. Back on the first hand, Quicksilver might be kind of a dick. Also, he is currently depowered pursuant to the Decimation event, but we should all do our best to ignore that and the fact that I am aware of it. Thank you!

11:55 AM  
Blogger SC said...

Junior, there's one kind of rock that I eat every day. Can you guess what it is? It's SALT!

1:37 PM  
Blogger Junior said...

Yes, come to think of it, I know Flash is much, much faster than Quicksilver. Would Quicksilver know some Russian dishes or something? Flash would probably make some dumb hot dogs or apple pie or McDonald's.

1:50 PM  
Blogger MMW said...

I'm curious to know when you were ever hazed.

2:47 PM  
Blogger Jack said...

I live on a diet of rock... and roll. I love rock and roll.

3:05 PM  
Blogger Junior said...

I don't think I ever have been hazed. That was dumb of me.

3:23 PM  
Blogger Murbles said...

J- I'm free next week. Let's make this happen.

4:47 PM  

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